This was the absolute last thing I expected to find myself doing today. If anything, I figured I’d lethargically work my way through the last couple hours of Assassin’s Creed II (which is a fantastic game, if you’re interested). However, after being pressured from a myriad of sources, both online and off, I’ve decided to finally sit down and begin a regular blog. As such, I suppose I’ll start with a bit of an introduction for those of you who don’t know who I am. Let’s hope that’s a sizeable handful of you (and by sizeable I mean thirty soon-to-be raving fangirls), or else I might start feeling like another moron who thinks their blog should be published into the next Bible despite the fact that nobody gives a damn.
I first began gaming sitting next to my dad with an unplugged Sega Genesis controller while he played some NBA game whose name I’ll probably never remember. Sega was all fine and dandy, but I never really got interested in video games until we got a Playstation and Battle Arena Toshinden, a game which by today’s standards can probably be labeled as the most dreadful and slow fighter ever created. Looking back, I have to admit that I’m a little confused by my infatuation with the game. Even the box art looks laughable; they might as well have thrown two steroid-hyped musclemen with pointy objects on the cover. Wait a minute — they already did.
- A preview for your gawking pleasure
Cruel joking aside, I only encountered my first real game (read: RPG; you heard me, Halo) in Kindergarten when I stayed up until the most ungodly hours watching my dad play through the timeless classic that is Final Fantasy VII. After a solid year of catching up on my sleep in school, I picked up Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete, taught myself how to read despite my idiotic first grade teacher, realized I was becoming an obsessive geek, and slowly began to fall down the slippery slope that is insatiable addiction.
With all that history done and over with, I want to point out that I’m a nostalgic gamer. I’d gladly dish out $150 for a brand new copy of Suikoden 2 before I’d spend that amount of money on three current-generation games. There is one, and only one, game that I’ve ever played that I haven’t bought, rented, borrowed, or physically held. I feel any other method of getting a game (i.e. illegal downloading) is cheating, illegitimate, and absolutely stupid. My fat PS2, which I’ve had since the first week or so that the console launched, is my baby girl. She’s twice as luscious and sexy as that ugly, fingerprint-ladden colossus you all call a PS3.
That said, I play games either because of nostalgic value or their overall gaming experience. And while graphics certainly do contribute to the enjoyment of a game, they are last on my list of requirements for a good game. Story, plot, and depth are all key factors to an excellent video game. In other words: Sprites. Are. Sexy. Yeah, I said it. You heard me. If you’re playing a game with a protagonist who’s as likeable as a fresh pile of burning dung on your doorstep and sounds like nails on a chalkboard simply because each of his teeth are individually rendered, you are a shallow asshat.
- A screenshot of Suikoden 2 featuring the single coolest character in the franchise itself.
As time goes on, I’ll likely be posting various comments, reviews, rants, complaints, and proclamations of love for various classic and modern games in long, overbearing blog posts that will reaffirm the fact that I’m always right. So, if you don’t like reading, you probably won’t like me. The more comments I get, the merrier everything will be and the more I’ll post. Even if you’re just browsing because you have nothing better to do, throw a comment out there and boost my ego just a little bit higher. Seriously, do it.
A few final comments that I want to get in without writing another twelve dozen paragraphs: Most FPS suck horridly, especially the Halo franchise, Final Fantasy isn’t bad it’s just overrated, Rick Astley NPH is my hero, Pokémon is still hip, glasses are sexy ‘cept for on me, ninjas beat the ever living shit out of pirates, Ryu > Ken, and all your base are belong to me.
For those of you who are curious, the one game that I downloaded was Spore, but that game was such an over-hyped pile of fail that I really can’t feel bad for not paying for the ten minutes of dull gameplay that some would say I ‘stole,’ especially considering the fact that my computer crawled slower than a snail as Bit Torrent tried to open the file.
